December 2 2013, 5pm
I don’t know what made me think of this but one weekend me and my family went to my country house. So me and Michael decide to go for a walk in the woods and my sister came with us. So I told Michael it would be cute if he carved our names on a tree. So we just keep walking around and talking and all of a sudden my sister yells something like “Finished!” And we turn around and she’s pointing at this tree. So we go over and look and it says “Diana & Michael & Christina 4 ever!” And this happened like a year ago but I’m still sitting here laughing so hard my sides hurt. Me and Michael love our third wheel though. So. Yeah. Just felt like sharing.
November 16 2013, 3pm
Why does my family give me such a hard time about football? If I wear a Jets shirt they make a comment. Last night I was outside with Michael and he was teaching me different things. This morning everything my grandpa said to me was about me liking football. They honestly think I only read about it, talk about it, watch it, play it because my boyfriend does. I wasn’t even exposed to it until I met him. Before I met Michael I’d never watched a football game. How was I supposed to know if I liked it or not? I couldn’t. I gave it a try for Michael, that’s true. But I like it now because I actually like it. Last night was SO fun. I LOVE watching games with him. I don’t pretend to like things for anyone. Especially Michael. Michael is the one and only person I can be myself around. WHY would I lie about who I am to him?
It’s the same with hockey, honestly. I wasn’t exposed to it until “A” showed it to me. I ended up liking it. I have absolutely nothing to do with “A” anymore but I still like hockey. WTF does he have to do with hockey anyway?
Maybe I actually *gasp* LIKE SPORTS!
November 6 2013, 7pm
how to decode a person with an anxiety disorder
things we are trying to do all the time:
- be safe
things we can’t help but do all the time:
- second-guess ourselves
- behave impulsively and reactively
- take everything personally
- have difficulty accepting compliments
- have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
- have difficulty finding the courage to respond
- have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
- make a huge deal out of the smallest thing
things you should keep in mind:
- we’re scared of everything
- pretty much all of the time
- it’s an actual disorder
- it manifests as impulsive behavior
- you can’t fix us with words
- telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
- it’ll only make us feel silly
- and then we’ll worry even more
- “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”
- like that
- also, we wear a lot of armor
- cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
- we constructed this armor as children
- we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
- but there is a nice person under there, we promise
things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:
- stick around
- ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
- be willing to change the place or situation if not
- activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
- talk to them even when they might not talk back
- (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
- try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally
- (the way they expresses themself is distorted and bent because of their constant fear)
- (and they knows this)
- give them time to respond to you
- they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
- they will anticipate being judged
- it took me four hours just to type this much
- even though i sound casual
- that’s because i have an anxiety disorder
things you shouldn’t do:
- tell us not to worry
- tell us we’ll be fine
- mistake praise for comfort
- ask us if we are “getting help”
- force us to be social
- force us to do things that trigger us
- “face your fears” doesn’t always work
- because—remember—scared of everything
- in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself
emergency action procedure for panic attacks:
- be calm
- be patient
- don’t be condescending
- remind us that we’re not “crazy”
- sit with us
- ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
- remind us that we are breathing
- engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
- if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
- or breathe through our nose
- or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
- ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
- help us change it
- usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down
if you have an anxiety disorder:
- it’s okay.
- even if you worry that it’s not okay.
- it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
- you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
- i know there’s a person under all that armor.
- and i know you feel isolated because of it.
- i won’t make you take it off.
- but know that you are not alone.